Truth be known I had decided to stop blogging. This was mainly due to time, I find bloggingis very time consuming, not oonly do I spend time writing my blog, I then find I spend 3 times as long reading and commenting on other blogs and hey presto, a whole morning has disappeared.
But here I am holding my hands up and shouting help.
I am sink in fast.
I am back to dropping the kids at school, and having a good cry to try and clear my head for the day, then putting my 'face on' until bed when I have another little cry bout the shitness of the day and the shitter one ahead tomorrow.
At the moment work is killing me. I love my job but I'm sinking. I'm a freelancer but get 90% of my work from one company and its like I'm employed by them. Two of us work very closely on one very large account. C has gone from calling/emailing me daily and 100% supporting me to zilch. The account is too big for 1 person and its showing but the mistakes are on my shoulders. I called her and told her so hoping things improve there a bit. But I dread emails, I dread switching my computer on, I just don't want to do it right now.
Just before this I decided to put my rates up. When I first started as a freelancer, company A told me my rates were quite low and I should revise them in a year. I didn't as the economy went down and the time wasn't right, so 3 years on I decided it was. The response I got firmly put me in my place, telling me where I was viewed in their company, the level I operate at and basically 'they were shocked at my audacity'. Urm hello, I am a freelancer, you don't dictate my rate and I know for a fact some others who charge the same company are charging twice what I am, plus they charge the client full rate for me. Anyhow this really shattered my already low confidence.
The final straw was being told the admissions policy for our desired school of choice has changed and as a church school they now require a signed firm by the head of your church to confirm you are regular church goers and have been for a minimum of 3 years. I agree with this however the school we want for our son who is on the special needs side of things but doesn't qualify for a statement is CofE, we are Catholic who go to church weekly but thepriests refuse point blank to sign the fform. Very christen of them. I am catholic but went to this said CofE school, times change. My son is very timid and a target for bullies and/or being mislead-taken advantage of, this said school has excellent pastoral care and that wouldn't happen. I am gutted, I don't know how we can get round it but it is consuming me at the moment. The boys education is Paramount to me.
Sinking big time